so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
