I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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