waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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