Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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