goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
