can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
