Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
