she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
