I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
