Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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