i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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