life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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