jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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