wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
