if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
