he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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