my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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