I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
