I didn't shave. On purpose
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
