if i died would you start the facebook group?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
