There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
grandma shit on top of the toilet
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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