I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The struggles of a small town man whore
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
