Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
