my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
