she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
