I bet he comes in French.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
