I need help removing her.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
