Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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