it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
