What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
