he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
