I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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