maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
