just tell him i said nine months
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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