what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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