Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
