I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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