It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
