I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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