With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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