ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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