I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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