theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
