I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
