well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
