the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
