Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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