It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Text me some of your sweat
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
