Swine flu. Run for my life!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
