Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
