u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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