but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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