Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
