I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
