i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We're too hungover to prance.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
