Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I still have a little drunk in my system
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
