you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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